Back again.
This past month has been interesting. I went to see the much dreaded "girly Dr." Not my idea of fun at all. It was, as usual, embarrassing and emotionally draining. No matter how comfortable I am with myself, having a stranger inspecting my hoo-ha just makes me cringe. I even told her mid-exam that I would rather be getting 5 root canals at once than be sitting there with her, legs hiked up in the air, making small talk about the weather. Yes, she was talking to me about the weather while she poked and prodded. I can't say that conversations about the weather are EVER entertaining, but to do it while your ass is falling off of a table, and your legs are in stirrups, and someone with a light and magnifying class pointed at your bat cave just takes the cake. Don't talk, just hurry the hell up so I can wipe the jelly off and restore a bit of my dignity, please and thank you.
I was told that I have some issues with cysts, and will most likely continue to have them unless I start on birth control. /Sigh. Another damn pill to take. Lovely. As if the insulin injections, and the thyroid medication for Hoshimotos's Diesease wasn't enough. She was kind enough to send me home with samples. Joy.
Next on the list, my husband is officially an officer now, which has driven me insane. I could deal with it when he was just a dispatcher. They stay in their little room and are pretty safe in there. Not anymore though. My husband just HAD to go on to bigger and better and more fucking dangerous things. I cannot begin to stress how much it scares me. I am TERRIFIED. He is my rock, my love, my best friend. My everything, to tell the truth. -- And now he has a big fucking target on him. It is just making me insane with worry. Buuuuut, on the other hand, I am SO damn proud of him. When he comes home I can't help but think to myself, "Damn girl, look at THAT. He is yours!" He looks magnificent in uniform, I have to admit that! Now, I don't want to sound shallow, I am proud of him for more than just looking like an Adonis. I am blown away by how much he cares about me. He has the most wonderful sense of humor (he did marry me, after all. ) He is the smartest man I know, as well as the most sincere and humble. He has no idea how wonderful he is, and as much as I tell him, I don't think it will ever really sink in. All in all, I am just lucky to have found him. Lucky to have him choose me. (It is a miracle, I tell you... a miracle.) I can say that with certainty because I don't feel I brought much to the table. He could have chosen someone much better than me, for sure. Maybe someone who wasn't bat shit crazy half the time. Someone who wasn't constantly dying of imaginary diseases. Someone who was more on his "level" when it comes to intelligence. But nope. My Gabriel chose me, and I am eternally grateful that he did. He makes me complete.
It is getting chilly outside now, even in Georgia. It is my favorite time of the year. The holidays are coming up, the weather is milder, I am not sweating buckets every single day. (Such a problem in the south!) My kids are doing really great in school and are looking forward to the holidays. I haven't even began to buy gifts. Ugh... maybe this isn't my favorite time of the year, after all. LOL
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